Death Over Thai Food helps grieving families cope with loss

If you walk by Thaibodia Bistro, a popular Thai and Cambodian restaurant in the San Francisco Bay Area on a Friday evening, you might assume the diverse group of patrons deep in conversation and dishes of pad thai and lort cha are participating in a neighborhood book club or networking event.

This group is unique. They are learning to cope with death over the comforts of community and Thai food.

A creative way to support grieving families

Death Over Thai Food is the brainchild of Chaplain Jonah Sanderson, an interfaith chaplain for VITAS Healthcare. Sanderson joined VITAS in 2024, called to support individuals and families during some of life's most delicate moments. He is dedicated to guiding people through their grief journey, helping them transition from surviving to thriving.

Drawing on a 15-year career marked by innovative approaches to community engagement and support, Sanderson sought a unique way to help people process loss. Grieving takes time, and having someone who understands what you are going through can make a significant difference. With these thoughts in mind, he gathered 20 caregivers in varying stages of bereavement and invited them to dinner.

Finding strength in community

The participants included family and caregivers of former VITAS patients who had been receiving Sanderson's counseling services for anywhere from a week to more than a year. Sanderson intentionally assembled the group to encourage mutual support, giving participants an opportunity to learn from one another while navigating their grief.

I want people to understand that they have it in them to be strong for themselves and to strengthen others.-Jonah Sanderson, VITAS chaplain

“I want people to understand that they have it in them to be strong for themselves and to strengthen others,” he said.

The group, which began in early 2026, meets twice a month on Fridays from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. and follows a structured agenda, beginning with an introduction from each participant, including the name of the person they lost. This simple ritual sets the tone with a sense of community and compassion. Sanderson then guides a discussion grounded in faith-based reflections on loss and the journey toward healing.

Participants order dishes to share, and conversation flows naturally around the table. Through shared meals, stories and experiences, members find comfort in connecting with others who understand the challenges of grief firsthand. The gatherings foster friendships and a sense of belonging that can be difficult to find elsewhere.

“This group offers the classic in-person circle of support,” says VITAS Bereavement Support Manager Marshall White. “Seeing each other’s faces. Passing the rice. Everyone stops to listen, and real emotions are shared.”

Power in pairs

Sanderson pairs each member of the group with a partner in what he has coined “bereavement buddies,” intentionally grouping couples in different phases of the grieving process. He likens these pairings to a mentor/mentee relationship.

The concept is working.

What began with strangers at dinner has transitioned into meaningful friendships that extend far beyond the walls of the restaurant. Bereavement uddies meet for coffee and take walks at local parks. They lean on each other for a supportive ear whenever grief strikes. It is a beautiful progression and a clear indication of the power of community.

Paying it forward by giving back

Maureen has been attending counseling sessions with Chaplain Sanderson since her mother passed away more than a year ago. When he invited her to the first Death Over Thai Food dinner, she was eager to help and volunteered to mentor two bereavement buddies. Her wisdom and experience have made a profound difference for the individuals she is supporting, with one member saying, “Maureen taught me to allow myself a certain allotted number of minutes per day to grieve, and that has helped me immensely.”

“The grief dinners gave me something I didn’t realize I needed: a community of people who truly understood what it means to lose someone you love,” says Maureen. “Sharing our stories has helped me heal, and while I’m still finding my way, it has also opened my heart to the possibility of faith in a way I never expected.”

Another caregiver and dinner participant paid it forward by hosting her own bereavement party, featuring a Brazilian jazz guitarist, wine, cheese and a potluck dinner. This event reflects the success of Death Over Thai Food and marks a new direction for the program.

Sanderson honored Maureen at the dinner with the group's inaugural “Humanitarian Award” in recognition of her dedication and her impact on the group.

The teacher becomes the student

Death Over Thai Food has made an impact on Sanderson, too.

“It's changed the way I approach life,” he says. “When people are dying, nothing matters more than how they lived. It's not about the number of years; it's about quality of days. I ask myself, what am I doing with today?”

What began as one dinner of 20 participants is now in its second generation. This October, Thaibodia will welcome Jonah’s third group of bereavement buddies who will begin their three-month journey through shared meals, meaningful conversation and mutual support.

“Death Over Thai Food allows us to stay connected with families after the loss of a loved one and for those families to connect with each other,” says VITAS Team Manager Sylvana Tasovski, RN. “It gives families a continuity of care even after their loved one dies.”

That continuity of care extends beyond the dinners. VITAS provides bereavement support for at least 13 months following the death of a loved one, including support groups, individual counseling, Memory Bears handcrafted from a loved one's clothing and 24/7 support for families.

“Hospice doesn't just happen in a home or a hospital room,” says Sanderson. “It happens wherever people come together to care for one another.”