By Virginia F, CHHA, San Diego

Last year, I was assigned to a 43-year-old patient named Ricky, a husband and father who lived with his wife, Sharon, and four children — Jessica, 3; Tim, 15; Eric, 17; and Kristen, 19. Kristen was engaged to be married only two weeks from the date I was assigned to Ricky. The family’s wish was for Ricky to live long enough to walk Kristen down the aisle on her wedding day. I was blessed to be a part of their story of inspiration, faith and love. I asked Sharon to write it down and share it with others. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed being a part of it.
- Virginia F, CHHA, San Diego

After talking to the hospice team, we came to the conclusion that our dream of having Ricky at the wedding was most likely not going to happen. The team urged us to read the booklet, Gone From My Sight, which really helped us to face the reality that he was dying. Understanding this reality helped us to make time to say our good-byes. Even though Ricky was in a sleepy state, he gathered the energy to look at us, talk to us, cry with us.

One morning, Jessica, my youngest daughter, wanted to give Ricky a hug. Upon embracing him, he instantly smiled and put his hand on her head. I ran to get my camera, remembering it hadn’t worked the night before. I tried it anyway, and, flash! It worked! There were two pictures left and I commented on what a coincidence it was that the camera hadn’t worked the night before. It was as if God allowed us to capture this beautiful moment on film. Later that morning, Ricky began to decline more rapidly, only nodding yes or no, and occasionally whispering.

Virginia, the hospice home health aide, asked if we had thought about who would walk Kristen down the aisle. My youngest son Tim expressed his desire to do so, but felt his older brother would probably want to. Kristen decided it would be too difficult, emotionally, for either one of them to walk with her. Virginia, however, was afraid that if no one walked with Kristen, memories of her wedding would be too hurtful to remember.

Virginia watched, listened and recognized the sadness we were experiencing because Ricky would not be a part of Kristen’s wedding. Virginia always had a way of saying, ‘ Here’s a thought…’ She asked if we had thought about having a mock wedding at the house. This way, Kristen’s dad could participate. Virginia offered to let us borrow her arch, some silk flowers and a basket for Jessica, the flower girl. Kristen discussed the idea with her fiancé, and they decided to make it a legal wedding!

We told Ricky about our plans. He nodded yes. Over the next two days, while we were busy preparing, Virginia never left Ricky’s side—holding his hand and reminding him about his daughter ’s wedding. We all focused on sharing this joyous occasion with him, not his impending death.

I finished sewing Jessica’s dress. My brother, David, agreed to become deputized by the Clerk’s office so he could perform the marriage. His wife, Yoshie, made bouquets and boutonnières. She also bought a cake and champagne, and had the kids help her make meat and cheese platters. Virginia picked roses from the garden for the flower girl basket. Everyone focused their efforts on making the event as successful and wonderful as possible.

As family members arrived into town, Virginia educated them on the dying process. This helped everyone feel more at ease about Ricky’s condition. Virginia bathed and washed Ricky’s hair, trimmed his mustache, gave him a manicure, and dressed him for the big day. She constantly talked to him, even when he couldn’t respond.

When the time came, Ricky was too weak to be moved from his room, so he was unable to see the wedding. He was almost comatose, but we still placed the baby monitor near him so he could hear the ceremony. Before the wedding began, Kristen walked over to her father and kissed him. After the ceremony, she immediately went over to spend some time with him,
one-on-one.

The event was wonderful—everyone was laughing and smiling. Having the wedding at the house not only gave Kristen and her father the opportunity to share in the celebration, but it gave so many family members the chance to say good-bye to Ricky.

I turned around to look for Virginia but she had already said her good-byes. Virginia later thanked me for allowing her to come in and help make a difference. I thanked her for giving my husband the care and dignity he deserved. Ricky had done so much for our family, caring for us over the years. This was what I wanted him to have in return. We were so thankful and blessed to have continuous care through VITAS. The guidance of the hospice team, especially Virginia, opened our eyes to possibilities we neve imagined. Virginia said, “You really moved mountains, Sharon.”

I believe it’s my faith in God that really moves mountains. He uses tools, like VITAS, to make that happen. Thank you, VITAS. Thank you.

P.S. Just in case you want to know how the story turned out, Eric, my older son, walked me down the aisle; Tim, my youngest son, got his wish and walked Kristen down the aisle. Ricky held on for the wedding, but died the morning after.